Saturday, April 29, 2017

I Want To Hold Your Hand

First "LOVE" questions:

What does Affection Mean to YOU?


While affection is described as a fondness or expression of attraction , how does your partner see it? Is it something they feel comfortable with, or is too much invasion of personal space uncomfortable for them. Why?

What words, gestures and touches are important and meaningful to you? Which ones just turn you off?  This may be very different for each of you.

Be specific and be truthful. Listen. If you have been rubbing their knee in public for years and they confess that they really don't like that, refrain from being offended. Sometimes people's opinions about affection change over time. Just listen and remember for next time. Find out what IS meaningful to them. Maybe just holding their hand is something that they like instead.  Don't expect to solve all your intricate intimacy issues with this question. It is just to get you started communicating and listening and learning! 

All You Need Is Love

All You Need Is Love, Love Is All You Need.

The Beatles hit song " All You Need Is Love" was an anthem of sorts back in 1967. We all want to believe that "love will keep us together", love is something we "find", and that love can just make the world be at peace.

But since 1967 , and over the course of time, people have "lost that loving feelling" and also are "torn between two lovers" and somewhere along the line we realize that there is more to love!!!

Mike Mason ( author of the Mystery of Marriage ) talks about  the time when each of us wonders if we have married the wrong person. He says we need something bigger than circumstances and emotions to center us and keep us faithful at that time. That is where commitment comes in. He states "I went into marriage thinking love would hold us together. I learned instead that it required marriage to teach me what love means".

The next series of questions should be eye-opening and hopefully help you understand each other's differences when it comes to your love. This can mean your physical, emotional, and experiential expressions of your care and commitment to each other.  Listen carefully to what is said. Speak honestly about your own ideas about love. Love isn't all you need to have a healthy relationship, but if you nurture the feeling of love, the rewards can be a song you can sing together for a lifetime!

Wednesday, April 26, 2017

Try A Compliment

If you have followed with our questions so far, you have discussed and listened to five questions/statements that have given you new insight to the one you love!

At the end of each topic set ( Miscellaneous, Love, Faith, Money and Feelings)  you can choose to "give a polite expression of praise or admiration" to your partner.

If you are trying this, I would love to hear how it is going. Right now, my husband doesn't know I am humoring him. I have just given him 3 or 4 compliments in a row and he has just answered nicely while never looking up from his puzzle!! Oh my...this communication thing has it's challenges! LOL!   Maybe another key to this is sitting face to face before you try this! Let me know what happens when YOU try the compliment. Maybe you will have better luck than I have! :)

Next topic of questions will be LOVE.  Stay tuned!


Tuesday, April 25, 2017

Make My Day


 

Describe Your Ideal Day!
The sun comes up, you hear the birds chirping, a cup of coffee in your hand, you stroll down to the lake to sit in solitude as you pray and think. A day of fishing is ahead of you and then a movie with your wife , and you are content with what you think is a perfect day!
The comfy bed envelopes you as you wait until your body is truly ready to get up.  Talking for an hour or two with the one you love, and then working on a house project you have been waiting to do just energizes you more than you realized.  After a shower and a nice night out on the town, you are happy to call it a perfect day!
Get the idea?  No two people are alike in what they think the "ideal day" would be.  In fact, what you think is an ideal day NOW, may not be the same as what you may think in a few years, once you have children running the routines of your days and nights.  Or what you value and enjoy may change once the kids are grown and you have more time again to yourself.
 
Contrary to some people's beliefs,  people DO change, and so do their preferences, throughout a lifetime.  So try to change and grow TOGETHER.  Part of that is communicating what the activities and simple pleasures of life are to you.  Listen to your spouse. Are they telling you they rate their days on spending time in a certain way, or with certain people?  Is there a luxury that they seldom get that would make it ideal for them? Are they longing for time, for experience, for relationship or learning on the day of their dreams?
 
 
Most likely, these days won't be able to be lived in the here and now. But maybe a little piece of your loved one's amazing day can become a reality , as you listen and hear , and determine to "Make Their Day" better one day in the future.  Sometimes just being listened to and truly heard can make the everyday very ideal indeed!! 






Monday, April 24, 2017

Build Me Up

 
Our words are building blocks on which others rise or fall. The next "question" for each partner to answer, is not really a question, but a chance to make a life-giving statement.
 
Name Two Things I Do Well.
 
 
When is the last time you heard your spouse say something positive about you? Last night, when he patiently helped your son with his spelling words, or when she finished painting the dresser, did you take it for granted and say nothing, or did you take the opportunity to build with words of affirmation?
 
 What do you think your spouse would do , if you could identify a few of their talents or strengths of character or personality?  And then if you chose to tell them.
 
All of us like to hear what we are doing well. We like to know someone notices. We take that block of encouragement , and then often add to it more blocks of effort and investment of our own. Start today to build others up by pointing out strengths and talents. You may be surprised at how tall the tower of encouragement can take your relationship!
 
 
 
 

Wednesday, April 19, 2017

Grow Where You Are Planted







Next Question :    What is One Way I Can Personally Grow in the Next Year?

Ok, we are digging a little deeper now. Let your loved one make a few small, gentle cracks in the surface of your complacency.  Maybe they see something you don't. As they speak words of admonition, don't become defensive. Just listen. Don't respond. Intend to just think about it later .
They may be right, wrong, on-to-something, or just plain way out in left field. Just listen. Your turn is coming.

When you get to tell your partner how you think they can grow, remember to be kind and positive. State that you think they can learn to be less sensitive. Or maybe suggest they really work on their skill of photography.  You may challenge them to seek more friendships of the same sex. Or encourage them to seek counseling for some issue that just is not resolved in their personal soul and mind.

This question is a bit threatening, but if it is spoken and heard with the best interest of the person in mind,  new things may bloom as a result!

The Parent Factor




Time for Thirty Questions begins with several that are lighthearted and lend themselves to positive conversation.  Our next question is :  What Will You Do the Same and Differently than Your Parents?
I just heard an older woman say that she looks in the mirror and says " Mirror, Mirror on the wall, I've become my mother after all!"
I had to laugh!  We may look like a parent or begin to act and converse like them! Most of us have reservations or downright aversion about acting like our parents when we are young. As we age, sometimes if you have a good parent you may change your mind. But regardless, we will choose to do some things the same and other things very differently.

Will you work or stay home with children? Will you exercise constantly, let yourself go , or something in between? Will you be social or keep to yourself more?  Will you have pets or not? Value time with people or making money? The list goes on.....

When the question is asked, it may take you just a few minutes to think of something. But it will come quite quickly. Sometimes the ways we do NOT want to be like our parents will come to mind very quickly. Also think of something you can emulate. Family life affects our current relationships a great deal. Enjoy talking about the Parent Factor!!

Unwind





Time for Thirty Questions begins with several that are lighthearted and lend themselves to positive conversation.  Our Miscellaneous category begins with :  If You Could Take A Trip, Where Would You Go?

We don't dream enough about new experiences and we often don't share them with others. Let your imagination take you on a vacation and as you talk and listen, don't judge or say why you would like or not like what your partner chooses as their option for "time away". Listen to what they are looking to experience. Is it leisure? Or a new experience? Or is it activity?

Just answer , and listen and you are done! Maybe one day your dream trip will become a reality for the two of you, and even if it doesn't, you have learned something about your spouse that you may not have known before! Happy Travels!

Monday, April 17, 2017

Welcome to the Building Blocks of a Better Relationship

 
Blocks. You loved them as a child. The feeling of holding something in your hand. Looking at the color, the shape, seeing the letter of the alphabet possibly, or just building with them, was a simple pleasure. 
 
Questions are the building blocks of learning. If you don't know how to do something, you need to ask.  If you don't understand how to cook that favorite dish, you may need to ask someone who knows how!  You may have to ask directions! You may need to ask the meaning of a medical term when being diagnosed with some ailment.  We don't know everything, so we must ask.
 
Why do we think that after years of a marriage or relationship , that we don't have to ask.
Questions are still foundational to growth. They help build a foundation and they also build it higher, stronger, and more sure.
 
The following questions are for you. They are for your spouse/partner. You will think they sound simple. You will think you know the answer. BUT the answers you think you know are the answers that are made up of what you are currently building. Often that is a relationship that is predictable, void of real intimacy and growth. The answers you think you know make you ignorant of how your loved one has changed over the years. Yes, contrary to what we want to think, we ALL change over time. The goal is to change "together" to grow in a way that we stick together. We communicate and stay committed. 
 
That is a simple pleasure. Years of being heard and understood. Holding the answers to the questions, not in your hand, but in your heart. The next post we will jump right into the first topic and the subsequent five questions that relate. Then we will go to other topics and questions.
 
Get ready to build. One block at a time!!!