Friday, June 30, 2017

Less is More


Funny story : When I was in first grade, I got a paper back in Math class , and all the answers were circled in red!  I had every one wrong! 
Actually I had every one right, but I was mixed up.
I had the way the "greater than" sign pointed and the way the "less than" sign pointed backward!
Once I figured out my mistake and wiped my tears and picked up my self-esteem, I was on track to being a good math student once again!

In your relationship ask  " Name 2 things you would like to see LESS of or MORE of in our relationship".   You may hear that your partner wants more snugging and hand holding, or less complaining.  More time for exercise, or less spending money on impulsive online purchases.

Listen and then it is your turn to convey your preferences.

Once you get the Less and More pointing the right direction, you will be closer to getting 100 % on your relationship !


Friday, June 23, 2017

Lean On Me


A few days ago I was trying to lift a box of books up onto a shelf at work. The weight of the box was something I could handle, but my back was turned, all my energy was invested, and my arms felt the full effort needed to hoist the load up and accomplish my task.

Then someone offered to help. They lifted the other side of the box, and what was difficult for me, became something reasonably do-able now! The shared feeling of small accomplishment (lifting a box isn't really a great success, although it may have needed to be done) was shared as well. The sense that I didn't have to do it alone, although not central to the task being accomplished, really created a different level of comradery.

What I could do alone, I didn't have to.  Usually I pride myself in working hard and not shying away from doing things like moving furniture myself, or lifting several bags in from the car after grocery shopping, or hauling my own lawn chairs from the shed to the deck, although I can barely carry them. I have always said "Where there is a will, there is a way". BUT, I also have had to realize that even though I CAN do these things, it is not always wise to do them alone. And I also have had to realize that some things I truly CAN'T do alone.

Here is where our next question comes in . Ask your spouse "What is Heavy on Your Shoulders Right Now, and How Can I Help?"

When you are asked, swallow your pride and tell your partner exactly how you feel burdened and truly what would help from them.

As I thought about this question I thought of another song.  Read the lyrics, sing it as you go about your day, and the next time you and your spouse talk, find out how you can be leaned upon.


Lean on Me

Sometimes in our lives we all have pain
We all have sorrow
But if we are wise
We know that there's always tomorrow
Lean on me, when you're not strong
And I'll be your friend
I'll help you carry on
For it won't be long
'Til I'm gonna need
Somebody to lean on
Please swallow your pride
If I have faith you need to borrow
For no one can fill those of your needs
That you won't let show
You just call on me brother, when you need a hand
We all need somebody to lean on
I just might have a problem that you'll understand
We all need somebody to lean on
Lean on me, when you're not strong
And I'll be your friend
I'll help you carry on
For it won't be long
'Til I'm gonna need
Somebody to lean on


Friday, June 16, 2017

Foundational Questions


The last question in the Religious/Spiritual category is a Yes/No answer type question. Easy, you may think! Give this one some thought and give some explanation to your spouse with your yes, or no.

"Should children have a religious or spiritual foundation?"

The topic of children brings about different reactions and responses than general questions about your one-on-one relationship.  Whether we like it or not, our relationship is not an "island".  Our union, especially in marriage, joins us to another group of people , and some people yet to be.

The roles and responsibilities beyond ourselves and our own issues leads us to be wise to talk about children, and how we will raise them, guide them, model to them.

Think carefully and answer and then you may need to act.

NEXT series of questions :  Emotional    : Stay tuned!! 



Monday, June 12, 2017

Want to Make A Statement?



Ask yourself and your spouse this question :
"What spiritual beliefs / principles guide you?"

Most companies have a mission statement that gives people an idea of the overall goals for the organization. They are often written and re-written until they are clear and concise. The statement is often printed, distributed, posted and looked to for guidance as decisions are made. Before constructing the goals, often the organization has to determine the qualities that they will strive to have as well. A law office may want to be "honest". A hospital may want to be "compassionate". A contractor may want to be "dependable".  The qualities will govern the goals to some extent. And people inside and outside the company will begin to be influenced by spoken or unspoken beliefs/principles held by those in leadership.

You and I may not construct our own personal mission statements ( although once several years ago I was challenged to do that, and I did).  But our beliefs and principles will be revealed by the way we do things, the way we approach life : how we navigate thought, behavior and conviction in our daily lives.

Think about your own , ask your spouse about theirs. Consider creating a personal mission statement or constructing one as a couple.  Make a statement as you live your life. Determine as a couple to make that statement together!




Saturday, June 3, 2017

What Does God Look Like to You?


Asking your spouse "How do you imagine God , when / if you pray?" can help you understand some of the spiritual dynamic of your relationship.  The answer may be theological, in the sense that your partner sees God as a personal, relational being who can be known.  Or they may see god as one of many, and distant and separate from our experience.

Your partner may answer that they imagine God as a "daddy", loving and there to meet their every need. Or you may hear that the picture they get is one of traffic cop just waiting to see if they mess up and then ready to serve them a ticket and dish out punishment.

Your ideas and the ideas of your spouse are important to know in the spiritual realm. Find out and pursue learning more about God as a couple.