Who Needs A Change?

If you are reading Time for Thirty Questions, my guess is that you are seeking change in your relationship with your spouse.

Maybe your friendship is strong but you just want to grow deeper. Or you may find yourself, as a few of my friends have shared with me lately,  partners and co-workers of sorts in the daily grind of life, but that is it. Most of us want more from our relationships. I believe God made us to seek after soul connection with others. It is a reflection of the way he made us to seek to know Him.

The desire for change in relationships often is a valid goal. But sometimes we see the other person as the one who needs to change. If they.... When they....  THEN things would be better! I have said those things and thought them. So has my husband. Thankfully we have been blessed to have had amazing opportunities to learn about marriage maintenance, through books, classes, sermons, marriage mentor training and wise people who have gone before us!   We have learned that growing and changing for the better is best done TOGETHER.  Thus the 30 questions!

I have painted blocks with different topic colors and then hand-written different questions that relate to that topic on each block.  They are not very professionally done, so only friends and family have received them so far! But the idea is to sit down WITH your spouse, choose a block and a question or two.  Read the question, answer, listen, summarize what you hear and respond by saying "I feel , or I hear you saying". At first, if you are not accustomed to this, it will seem cumbersome, but soon it will seem more familiar.

Some of you want change, but your spouse is not willing ( or mentally/emotionally able) to share this exercise with you. You can still ask the questions and listen.  You may offer your answer to the question at that time, or at another time and just let them think about your answer without discussing it together.  

I am not going to tell you that miracles will happen if you go through these questions. Growth may come sure and clearly, but it may just happen in small steps or maybe not at all. There is worth in trying, as your relationship is worth watering and pruning to see if something new will grow.

Ultimately, we are only able to change ourselves. The beauty is when both people desire to change together , for the good of themselves, the other and the partnership.  Ask the questions. Listen. Determine, if nothing else, to change yourself , based on what you are hearing from your partner.

Today I just heard this story below. You may not be trying to change the world. Our own marriages are daunting enough much of the time, but the message is clear : who needs a change? We all do , and it begins with us!

The story below, which was written by an Unknown Monk, in 1100 A.D., reflects we can only change ourselves.

When I was a young man, I wanted to change the world. I found it was difficult to change the world, so I tried to change my nation. When I found I couldn't change the nation, I began to focus on my town. I couldn't change the town and as an older man, I tried to change my family Now, as an old man, I realize the only thing I can change is myself, and suddenly I realize that if long ago I had changed myself, I could have made an impact on my family. My family and I could have made an impact on our town. Their impact could have changed the nation and I could indeed have changed the world."